Candidates for Liberal Party Leadership

We know that all politicians have secret agendas. Mr. Martin told us that Steven Harper had a secret agenda so knowing that Mr. Martin had associated with politicians for a long time and knew well what they were up to we believe that all politicians especially Liberals must have a secret agenda . Here is what we think some of those candidates hidden agendas might be based on their previous associations.

1. Martha Hall Findlay, Lawyer

We don't know a lot about Martha Findlay but since she is a lawyer (what else do we have to say) and obviously has associated with lawyers for a long time we suspect that she has a secret agenda. We suspect that she will want to get our country into lawsuits which will then be farmed out to companies owned by her lawyer friends.

2. Stephane Dion, Sociologist

We know that Mr.Dion was a cabinet minister and has been in public life for a long time. However I don't think we know him well enough to trust him with the job of Prime Minister. He is a sociologist with a French heritage. We suspect that he has a secret agenda. We believe that he will use his contacts with the media to brain wash us all with subliminal messages that will suggest that we vote Liberal.

3. Michael Ignatieff, Historian, Teacher

We know that Mr. Ignatieff has been a history teacher at Harvard. He spent a lot of time out of the country and so we don't know who he may have become. We think he has a secret agenda. We believe that he will want to make all our brightest students go to Harvard. We also suspect that he would pass laws which will mandate all of us going to history enhancement classes two hours per week (remember high school history). Let us hope that he does not become leader of the Liberal party. His secret agenda would bring us all a fate worse than death.

4. Maurizio Bevilacqua, Life long politician

We know that Mr. Bevilacqua started his political career at twenty-eight. This means that he has associated with politicians for a good part of his life. We are sure that he has an secret agenda. We believe that the fact that he is a life long politician makes his secret agenda a real secret but we are sure he must have one.

5. Gerard Kennedy, Historical Researcher and Food Fank Founder and Manager

Mr. Kennedy was a history teacher and became a founder and manager of food banks. We believe he has a secret agenda. We believe that if he became leader of the liberal party he would close all restaurants and grocery stores and make it impossible for us to get food from anywhere but an authorized food bank.


6. Bob Rae' Lawyer, Professional Politician with a brother who is a Vice President Power Corp

Bob Rae has been a leader of the New Democrats Party. Now suddenly he has become a Liberal. This is suspicious. We believe that he has displayed part of his secret agenda. We believe he was always a Liberal who was bent on destroying the New Democrats. Look at how effective he was in doing that when Premier of Ontario. We believe however that most of his secret agenda is still secret. There are some hints however in his family connections. His brother is a vice president of Power Corporation and we believe that if elected leader of the Liberals he would try to contract all government services out to that company.

7. Scott Brison, Business Man Salesman

Scott Brison was a successful business man and salesman. This means he is a double threat. He was successful and a salesman. We are sure he has a secret agenda but we cannot even guess what it might be. Who knows what salesmen think when they have a smuck on the wire? This makes him even more dangerous because he could successfully sell us his secret agenda and we would not even know it.

8. Ken Dryden, Lawyer, Business Man

Ken Dryden was a great goalie for the Montreal Canadians as well as a lawyer and business man. We believe that he has a secret agenda. (Who can tell what goes on behind a goalie mask?) We believe he would use his smooth talking lawyer lingo to talk the whole country into becoming Leaf and Raptor fans. He has publicly confessed that scrapping the Liberal's daycare plan made him very angry. We believe that his involvement in formulating this plan and his anger spring fom his secret agenda. He planned to show unending videos of Raptor and Leaf games to the children in day-care so they would be brainwashed to become prey for his (perhaps) former business associates.

9. Carolyn Bennett, Outstanding Doctor and University Professor

Carolyn Bennett is an outstanding medical doctor and University professor. We believe that, coming from her background she has a secret agenda. We believe she will try to bring forward legislation which would force all prospective voters to go through a rigorous medical examination (especially the dreaded prostrate check) before qualifying to vote. We also fear that she would be likely to make a University degree mandatory for all professions including ditch digging.

10. Hedy Fry, Secretary of State for Multiculturalism and Status of Women.

Hedy Fry is a doctor and was Secretary of State for Multiculturalism and the Status of Women. We think we know her secret agenda. She will want to barbecue all the residents of Prince George BC and/or all former members of the Alliance Party. We believe that she would prefer to do this on a cross shaped spit. This will pay back the people of Prince George and the Alliance members for being racists.

I do hope the Liberal party will be wise enough to get some different leadership candidates who might not have such dangerous secret agendas.